Adulting

WHY IS IT SO HARD

Today is my first real day back to adulting since I took off work on the 22nd.

SO MUCH has happened in just those few weeks!!

Let’s See

On the 23rd of December, I had an almost 3-hour therapy session.

Our entire goal of these intensive sessions was to really bring down my body dysmorphia.

Basically, the goal was to go through as many situations that cause me to feel fat or ashamed or ugly or gross, and do desensitization and then emersions and then cleansing.

And while my issues are not completely gone…. they have decreased so fucking much. I now have all the words I need to use when my body suddenly gets my fat feeling, and I can stop, deep breathe, and then redirect myself. We did 3 intensive sessions, all before the 2nd of Jan.. It was emotional quite a bit. But this work has been so crucial in helping me unfuck my brain.

Additionally, I realized recently that all my weird “quirks”—like not liking to wear the same clothes repeatedly and having to hang my clothes in my closet… —are all part of OCD.

I have such a weird form of OCD. I’, not the door locker or the hand washer that people associate with OCD. No, I have a complete INTERNAL manifestation of OCD.

It repeats song lyrics and phrases. I have a weird feeling inside when I can't set something up the way I want to, and then I’ll spend all day obsessing over it and what needs to change.

It’s pretty annoying, to be honest. BUT I’ve started finding ways to work through it and overcome that.

Right now, I am still on meds, but my goal by the end of 2025 is to be off all of my psychiatric meds.

WOW that was long lol anyway moving on bahahahaha

the 24-31 was filled with family (like ALLLLLLL the family) gifts, and lots of food. And while it was exhausting, my girls had the most wonderful break and were properly spoiled.

But the best part was January 2nd.

I GOT MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Say What?!?!?!?

Yup, that’s right, D and I eloped on the 2nd with our girls right next to us!

The day went smoothly despite 1000 hiccups…. including me having to REDO my makeup…. which hasn’t happened in almost 10 years… usually, I’m pretty damn good with makeup.

But our suite was beautiful, our fancy dinner was delicious, the hot tub was hot, and we looked amazing AF.

I will be dictating that WHOLE day for yall because it was fucking hilarious with some of the shit that happened lol

But anyway, it’s time to go back to real life and real responsibilities. BLAH.

Today is Day 1 of sobriety. So far, I’m fine, obviously lol it takes a bit. From the last time I did this, I know the day 1 and 2 aren’t much but then the next 10ish days are emotional AF.

Anyway, I’d love to know how everyone’s holiday was.

Drop a comment! I’d love to chat!

Much Love,

Taylor Cecelia Brook