Disclaimer, I say like a lot, use the word fuck way too much, and go on a lot of digressions. Have fun!
So I have this internal struggle,
you see,
sometimes in social situations, especially where I'm one of the younger ones, young as in literally 30; I kind of feel like that little kid sister that's jumping up and down in the back trying to get everybody to pay attention to her. Like waving my hands, like saying “Hey listen to me, listen to me, listen to me.” Like I’m just trying to put in my two cents and have someone like acknowledge it.
I’m aware that my desire to share is just a portion of my human design but what I would really like is to learn when it's the appropriate time to say things. Like I feel like I just don't ever have good timing and so I would like to figure out what the appropriate timing is, when it is not, and like also just to not feel like I’m bothering them. Like I just want to not feel like I'm a little kid.
This obviously has to do something with some kind of block or trauma. I know when I was younger my mom often made me feel like I was annoying or whatever cuz she was having adult conversations. To this day I think that's probably impacted me more than I realize and so now in adult conversations, I do not feel like an adult. I always feel like the baby and this has caused issues in jobs before. Especially when I was an executive assistant for a specific nonprofit, and everybody was at least 10 years older than me, and it just constantly felt like they were being like “you're so like naive, immature, young, you'll learn, you'll learn, blah, blah, blah”. Just shit like and that is not always the case like.
Like bitch, I’ve navigated my mother fucking daughter DYING. PLEASE please tell me how I am naive, young, and immature all because I ask fucking questions. That’s the kicker here. Half the time when I get this feeling, I am simply asking questions or providing the input/feedback, that THEY requested.
Where was I going with all of this? Oh yes, it happened to me today. The worst part. Most of these people are not doing this on purpose, it’s all internal. Actually that is the WORST part. So now it's some kind of irrationality that I have developed in my head around this. So maybe putting it out in the universe will help me not feel these things.
I feel like this is some kind of weird form of imposter syndrome. I often joke that I don’t feel like an adult. While I have gone through a lot of shit in my life, there are plenty of times where I feel like a kid and not the fucking 30 year old that I am. It sucks and I wish I could get that to stop. IDK. I’m not sure this post even went anywhere but whatev lol
Ok, until next time!
Love to you all!!!!
Taylor Cecelia Brook
P.S. Wanna make my day? Drop a comment, like, or share, it means the world to me!!!!
Hey, first off—thanks for being so real about this. You’ve got such a great level of self-awareness, which is half the battle right there! It totally makes sense that you’d feel frustrated when you’re trying to contribute and it seems like no one’s paying attention. You’ve got a lot to share, and you deserve to feel heard. I mean, you’ve navigated some seriously heavy stuff in your life, way more than most, so anyone dismissing you just for being younger clearly doesn’t get the full picture.
That said, it’s awesome that you’re thinking about timing and how to make your voice feel more confident in the room. Finding that balance is tricky for anyone, but it sounds like you’re already on the right path. And yeah, this might be some of that lingering imposter syndrome sneaking in—but guess what? You’re not an imposter. You’ve earned your place in these conversations, and over time, you’ll keep finding that sweet spot where you feel more in sync with everyone around you.
Bottom line: you’re not a kid trying to get people’s attention—you’re a badass with things to say, and it’s about finding the right moments to shine. Keep being you, and don’t let anyone (including that inner voice) make you feel less than the 30-year-old boss you are.