My Baby's Eulogy.

Written July 2018

When you bring life into this world, the last thing you ever expect is to have to say goodbye to that precious life. It was no different for Joey and me when Lily entered our world. Saying goodbye to our beautiful sweet bear was so bittersweet. We are sad because Lily's sweet face and adorable noises are no longer in our physical presence. But we are comforted by knowing that Lily is now in the arms of our Lord. Lily can see she is healthy, she is dancing and playing with so many friends, and she gets to just chill out in heaven... which is pretty rad, in my opinion. If Lily is anything like her mom and dad.... she is up there asking Jesus boatloads of questions.

When we learned of Lily's diagnosis, I knew she was given a purpose by God, but I also didn't know that she would be full of such spunk. She rolled her eyes, which I guess is a genetic trait from me, learned how to huff in annoyance from her big furry sister Piper, and loved music more than Joey and I could have ever imagined. Just like us, Lily's taste in music ranged from smooth jazz to Snoop Dog, male country artists, to Elvis, and many more. She loved kisses but not our hair! Lily adored her big sister, Piper, and we found that just like her momma, she found peace and comfort in bath time! Lily was sweet, and she humbled Joey and me in ways we could never have thought possible. I know many of you have special memories with Lily. I’d love to share our favorite memory with you.

The day we came home from the NICU was a disaster. We had spent the night in the NICU rooming in the room, and we hadn't slept much. We tried to shift sleep, but we were quite anxious to be in charge of her care all by ourselves; this reinforced our decision for our nursing care at night. Every time I would finally start to drift off... lily would squeak, or her monitor would beep. It made for a long night. The day was filled with excitement and anxiety. But mainly joy. We didn't have the right attachments for our oxygen so it was a scramble to get that done. We finally left NICU, and we had a cart full of stuff... but we had never installed the car bed before... so as Joey was trying to install it, Lily was just casually lying in the center console of our truck without a care in the world! We finally leave the hospital, after 35 minutes of figuring out the carbed, and we hit traffic... it was 2 VERY long hours with different people calling us as hospice and medical supply companies were set to arrive at our house. We finally get home, and the sight is hilarious... 6 people are sitting on our apartment front porch... all waiting for Miss Lily to arrive. Coming home was crazy, but I was able to take it all in and be overjoyed by the fact that we were home. And Lily clearly loved being home.

We didn't say goodbye to Lily on the 19th. We just said see you later. Knowing that she will be waiting for us in heaven. Our future is somewhat unknown, but throughout this journey, God has continued to show me that He is with us and He will guide us and comfort us. Jeremiah 29:11 states, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This verse has continued to pop up throughout our time with Lily. I hope that this verse can encourage you and comfort you as it has done for me. I know the Lord is holding Lily safe, and that is more than any mom could ever ask for. And our journey isn't over. Lily's journey isn't over. And the Journey the Lord has for us is just getting started.

While I wrote this so very long ago, I do feel it's fitting as I have spent the last 6 months working on my book about our life together.

If you've followed me for any length of time that I was once a Christian, and while I no longer practice, I do credit for giving me the ability to keep fucking going when I thought I couldn't.

Thank you all for joining me on this journey!

Much Love,

Taylor Cecelia Brook