Today is one of those days where I am REALLY struggling with my grief.
In my last sauna meditation, it was about feeling the feelings of my lungs. I have had major issues with my lungs basically since I had Lily. It was like my body KNEW the minute we learned about her very short life, that it decided to hold onto all of my grief. I got stuck on the word "Chronic Grief" while in my meditation. Because well I believe that I will never not grieve the death of my daughter. It's always going to be a part of me that is completely missing from my soul.
I take comfort and gratitude in her visiting me in my meditations and in her physical earth spirit forms. I am thankful for the birds that come and the butterflies she sends and the angels she brings to guide and protect me.
But fuck I MISS her so much it literally hurts sometimes. And today is one of those days. I had multiple pictures and even a video pop up in my Google memories today. These days are so incredibly bittersweet. I fucking miss her more than anything else, but I'm thankful I have those digital memories, that I can even hear her breath and hiccup because of technology, but it never erases the pain of her being gone.
It sucks. However, I will continue to choose to find her light in this world. Be thankful for my tribe that comforts me when I want to just crumble, and for all the other bereaved moms out there, because I know you are out there and you aren't alone.
Much Love to you all,
Taylor Cecelia Brook