Why I Suck At Substack

A Revelation

So today I had a good amount of time to ponder my life. These moments of clarity are coming more and more as I get further and further down the road of sobriety.

What does any of that have to do with sucking at Substack? Well because I finally figured out why I struggle with the whole platform.

It is a combination of fear, overwhelm, and NO motivation.

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Weed 100% has contributed to my lack of motivation. I was trying to convince myself all the time that I wasn’t one of those “stoners.”

But here’s the thing, I was.

I was one of those stoners.

Ok back on track.

-The fear is not a fear of not being good enough or anything like that, it is about getting sucked into the platform. I only realized this when I looked at the time today while waiting for my cold plunge…. Even though it was done filling, while reading Substack, and I realized I was going to be late if I didn’t close my app immediately because I just wanted to keep reading. I had read like 3 newsletters in the small amount of time I was even on the platform.

-The notes seem just so busy. And anytime I go to comment on a note or a newsletter, 50% of the time I end up deleting it before posting because I don’t think the person will care or see it. ESPECIALLY if they have thousands of followers. Like why would they respond to me?

I WANT to provide long winded encouraging comments. But does the author actually want that? I also am so worried that I’m going to come across the wrong way. I have spent most of my life with people misinterpreting the words I say because of my face or my tone. I have spent 2 years now trying to work on that through communication podcasts, books, my MASTERS, like I’ve put in serious work on it. But you can’t do that as well via written word.

-Part of the overwhelm comes from the sheer concept of trying to interact with people. I legit feel anxiety and sadness around this. Because I know how hard this is for me. I’ve struggled with social media my whole life. I’ve always wanted to be one of the IG baddies or TIKTOK stars….. but I HATE social media. It just a mind suck for me that I get addicted to. And while substack is SO different from that, it’s still really challenging for me to constantly be creating discourse with people on Substack.

I can talk about me forever lol clearly you all have seen that. I can praise my friends, I LOVE sharing their work on here. I’ve developed so many friendships on this platform that has so much value to me. But even then, I still struggle with interacting with them on the reg.

Often it feels like if you don’t have the time to spend all day on here, you won’t go anywhere. BUT THAT”S NOT TRUE. SO WHY AM I LYING TO MYSELF?!?!?!?!?!?! I KNOW from working with the wonderful

Tom Kuegler

and

Sarah Fay

, that I really DON”T need to be on here all day every day. But does my brain like to EVER remember that? Hell Fucking No.

Because I think, subconsciously, I’m afraid that this could end up controlling my life.

There was a time where I lived and breathed Reddit. When I was trying to get pregnant when it wasn’t working, when Lily was born; and then it transferred to discord. And I then abandoned my Reddit account after being a very heavily involved user for many years. Suddenly I became a lurker. And slowly, little by little, I started becoming overwhelmed by my discords. And every time I would try to go back, I would be so overwhelmed with all that I had missed and it was just too much.

This happened in multiple discords for me. I am a person who needs a FEW people very close to them. I’m totally an extroverted introvert. I LOVE people…. But only for so long. It can be extremely exhausting for me. It wasn’t always like that. Lily truly chemically changed my brain forever. And while I will continue to work on my challenges, I don’t think this one will change.

If I could live as an ostrich forever I would.

Keeping my head in the sand any time any sign of anything bad was coming so I could just ignore it.

But nope, I’m here as a human.

And because of all of that…..

THAT is why I suck at Substack…………

FYI, I am adequately prepared to tackle this challenge, as it’s going to take a hot minute for me to work through all the steps to get back to a place where I am not overwhelmed by all of this.

It includes going back the roots of what I have learned from Tom and Sarah, implementing their VERY reachable strategies, and finally stop fucking around and avoiding my dreams.

How the fuck am I supposed to be a rich and famous writer…. Shhh yes I know lol, if I don’t use the platform that could potentially launch me into the stratosphere?!

Theoretically, J.K. Rowling, Sarah J Maas, and even fucking Edgar Allen Poe were famous without substack, so I don’t technically need it…. But had they been a fresh writer, I know they wouldn’t have turned down an opportunity to help promote their works they are so passionate about.

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Public commitments work SO well for me, I’m realizing, I HATE disappointing people. Like SO MUCH. So therefore I LOVE using the public commitment as it forces my to get into the groove of something. That’s all I ever need, Is something that FORCES me to start. Such a simple solution to such a complex challenge in my brain.

Does anyone else relate to this? I’m quite curious if people feel this was or if I’m in a unique position because of my own mental health challenges lol either way I’d love to know.

After conquering this challenge, the next will be upleveling my writing skills. GAH can’t wait. This year is gunna be so fucking awesome!!!!!!

Tootles for now!

Taylor Cecelia Brook

P.S. I’d love to hear from you! Drop a comment or restack the post if you think it will resonate with someone you know!