Word From Future Taylor

Here we go again

Below is my journal prompts from this months Girl On Fire group. Normally I wouldn’t post something so specific like this, but after reading it all I found that it revealed a lot about my beliefs of myself and where I need to grow to achieve the dreams I am destined for.

If this resonates with you, and you think that you would like to be a part of this group, check out the Girl on Fire Collective. Or just read along and maybe you’ll be inspired to move/change/grow!

Much Love,

Taylor Cecelia Brook

Real Life In The Raw is my paid subscriber segment that includes the really hard shit, the nitty gritty, the spicy, and the insanely vulnerable stories from my life. My only goal is to help others feel less alone.

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What old story about yourself are you still holding onto? 

That I'm not good enough. It's not EVEN MY story. It's someone else's in my family. Yet I STILL hold onto it. I don't feel worthy of wealth and riches, I don't feel worthy to have D and a healthy relationship. I only feel worthy to have a dysfunctional relationship. I don't feel worthy enough or good enough to put my music out there. But I am enough and I always have been and I always will be and it's time for me to let this go. 

How can that story make you stronger? 

By proving to her that I AM enough. I have So many people who have rallied behind me and I have started to make some really wonderful friends on social media that I really would like to tap into. I can make PLANS because that's how we show ourselves we are enough just by being us. Also, reminding herself literally every single time she feels this way, that she is enough, that's not her story to hold onto that's the 3 generations before me. I will release that story. 

Who do you truly want to become? 

I want to become someone who doesn't give a fuck about what others think of me. I want to be a writer and a singer. I love sharing my story. I love sharing it in many ways. I want to become a multi millionaire. I want to be Ds wife forever (p.s. I wrote all of these before he proposed… EEK). I want to be an honest person. Maybe even to a fault. I want to be a comfort to my girls, my man, and those going through really fucking hard things. I want to be Joey's friend again. I want to be paid to talk and write. And I want to make millions doing that. 

What needs to shift in your life for become her? 

I need to stop being afraid to share. I need to be consistent with my writing. I need to create a strategy for my writing on Substack so I can be consistent and actually generate money. I keep telling the truth. I keep singing and writing even if it sucks 

What would the highest version of you say to the current you right now? 

Baby girl keep focusing, keep going, keep writing. Every day you gain followers. This is how you will make your money and become the multimillionaire author that your want to be. You are a creator. You will make millions this way. Keep fucking writing and you will do it. But you need to be patient and you need to remember things take time and during that time you learn so much. That is why things take time. You are an experiential learner. You can't achieve the things you want if you don't go through the process to get there. Keep dating your money. Keep checking in. And keep forgiving yourself when you mess up. Because you're fucking human. And perfection is a literal trap. People love you baby girl. You've got this. 

Write a letter to the version of you that was at her lowest. 

I'm not sure which version of us was your lowest.

Was it the moment we decided to disregard the rules my ex and I set for an open marriage? All while I lied to my therapist and even my closest best friend? 

Was it the time period of Lily and the year that followed? Not telling anyone I was in a REALLY bad place? 

Was it during the time I struggled with infertility but didn't talk to anyone about it? 

Or was it when I was 17/18 and I kept going back to spend time with the guy who raped me and verbally/emotionally abused me, all while again, telling no one? 

To be honest those all were moments where I was at my lowest. But that is OK. You know why? Because while I may have harmed myself emotionally, wallowed in my sadness, burned bridges; I learned SO much about me and my life and who I am as an individual, mom, and romantic partner. You are going to become the person you always thought you would be. You are going to be with the person that you never thought would ever want you, and you're going to become the best mom, even better than you ever imagined. And while the way you went about doing some things, were not always the wisest and brightest, we know that dwelling on the shoulds of the past do nothing positive for our mental health. You will learn to get out of your head and that will be an invaluable gift for your future. It's hard to say don't do these things because we may not have had Lily without them, or Lucy for that matter. And I cannot picture my world without them in it. In every reality, they are always there. But if I could've given you one nugget of advice, it would've been to try and talk to people. You aren't weak for sharing your emotions or even feeling them for that matter. 

You'll be ok baby girl. In fact you're going to thrive. It takes time, patience, and love for yourself. Keep going and keep pushing. 

I love you so much. 

Much Love, 

Taylor from the future.

P.S. If you like entries like this, let me know! And if you would like to anonymously post your own diary entry, subscribe to my paid readership and you’ll get a direct link to submit a story anonymously.

P.P.S I REALLY can’t ever remember how to spell ananymously…. see lol it’s literally written correctly above and I still can’t spell it. Oh well, bless the universe for spell check!