You can find all things Amber right here
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And we are back.
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I'm super,
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super excited for today,
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for this whole podcast interview,
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because I have with me Amber Cliphouse.
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I met her through Kara Allwell, Girl on Fire.
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No surprise there.
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I've met so many fucking amazing people there,
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but I'm really excited because I'm pretty fired up about this podcast episode.
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And if you've been listening, you know, it's been a little bit of a struggle for me lately.
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So
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Thank you so much for like constantly like re-interacting with me, Amber.
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I really, I need people like you in my life.
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And then people are like, oh, I didn't mean to bother you.
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I was like, no, I need you to bother me.
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Otherwise I forget things.
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So without further ado, here is Ms.
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Amber Cliphouse.
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Please, please introduce yourself to my wonderful listeners.
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Hi, thanks so much for having me.
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Like you said, my name is Amber Cliphouse.
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And I recently wrote my first book.
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It's called Clean Start.
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And it's basically a teen mom's journey from suicide survivor to real estate investor.
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Obviously, I'm not a teen mom anymore.
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But it's been a long, long road with lots of, you know, healing along the way.
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And this book has just been such a healing process.
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And I would love to share it with the world.
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That's like awesome.
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And I completely understand while our situations were very different,
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you talking about, you know, writing the book and all that being a healing process.
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That's so true as gut wrenching as it is at times.
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I mean, I can imagine for you writing certain certain about certain things was really difficult.
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So, A, I appreciate that you did that.
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You know,
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you're really doing an awesome thing for people out there,
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especially for there's a lot of girls who are just like you,
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who are just like you,
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who
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will probably end up in those same shoes and so instead of feeling the way you felt
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now they have someone to like look up to and be like okay i don't need to be this
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way so what what it was your favorite part about writing your book
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honestly just learning myself I think when we go into survivor mode it's so go go
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go like your brain doesn't even have time to process like everything you're
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processing as weird as it sounds so I was able to like you know relive everything
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and kind of like damn like you've really been through a lot and you're still here
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to tell your story like you know exactly I'm so glad you're proud of yourself so
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many people are like oh
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it's fine it's no big deal no you went through some fucking shit like yeah i mean
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some really really hard things like i mean i read i'm like oh god who is that girl
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that's crazy so i totally get that because literally this morning i was editing
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going through the book for the you know bajillionth time and editing it and it's
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like i don't like that seems so long ago
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like and it really it was only six years ago six and a half whatever but it feels
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so long ago yeah lifetimes literal lifetimes i don't even know who that girl is
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anymore and there was such a girl yeah yeah it's crazy when you know you go through
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tragedy and i mean we all go through things in different phases and you can never
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compare
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and contrast with the way you handle it.
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But like, it really molds you to the person you are today.
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You think you're never going to get through that moment.
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And then like, you just somehow pick the pieces and you keep on going.
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Exactly.
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I feel like really it boils down.
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There are two outcomes when people go through stuff like this,
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either you pick yourself up and you keep going or you don't.
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And those are really,
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the only directions and i've seen it happen and like not keep going doesn't
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necessarily mean that you are you know committing suicide but there are there are
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choices that one could make you know to you know just become part of their
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situation and just let it happen to them which i understand not everybody can
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handle picking the up and walking away with it sure sure of course so but i i would
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love to know
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like how what was your breaking point what made you finally go this i need to fix
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this like i need to undo all the like in the different phases because i know like
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you've been in a few different like stages of your life and they all were
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significant and all had large importance so like what was what were those last
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straws for you
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As far as like writing the book or just like big milestones in my life?
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Big milestones in your life.
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Like, you know,
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I'm especially thinking about how you did a literal 180.
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You know, you and your husband lost a ton of weight.
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You guys stopped partying.
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You guys became entrepreneurs and like all this stuff.
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And I mean, it was just a complete flip around.
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So, you know, I'm just curious, what was your final straw in that moment?
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Like what made you decide, okay, we have to change?
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So recently,
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you know,
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when you're an entrepreneur,
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you have so much free time and everyone's like,
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oh my God,
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you're so lucky.
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It must be nice.
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But no, because then you're in your head 24 seven.
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And that's a scary place to be.
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Like, I don't care who you are.
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It's scary.
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Having super scary.
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Yeah.
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And like, people are like, oh my God, like, it's so nice.
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Must be.
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No, it's not.
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It's really scary.
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And you know, it's like mimosas because it's Monday and why not Wednesday?
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And like,
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It was always a reason to celebrate.
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We bought another house.
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Let's have a drink.
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We don't have any bosses to check into.
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It became a bad habit of just drinking and using it as a celebration.
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That was like a crutch.
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I wouldn't say I was an alcoholic, but it numbs you to what's really going on around you.
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You're not able to feel the things.
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when i decided i wanted to write my book i wanted to feel the things right it was
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time to deal with everything the front cover is my seven-year-old self looking down
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like a long hallway and it's just me and it's all these doors and the way i feel
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how i started i opened up every single door by myself dealt with the demons inside
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and shut it and i had to do that sober because i just had to have a clear
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level head now there's nothing wrong with drinking like I'm not like I don't stick
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my nose up to it it's just it's not for me you know like you want to drink good for
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you like it saves me a ton of calories I don't feel like shit the next day and I
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think clearly we have a lot of decisions that we have to make daily that are you
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know we're responsible for a lot of people's lives being the business that we're in
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so it just made sense to me and it was like a domino effect of
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I wasn't drinking so I could go to the gym.
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Again, I didn't feel like crap.
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And then I was writing more and more because I was just clearer and clearer than I've ever been before.
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And at the same time processing all the trauma, I was like, wow, it was like a hamster wheel.
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I just could not stop.
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Gosh, I relate to that so much.
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We're in the middle of completely
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detoxing ourselves from weed.
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So it's a process.
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It's going to take a while.
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It takes forever to get out of your system.
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But we finally were just like, okay, we, this, I'm not happy with how we are acting, how we are behaving.
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And like you said, you know, for a long time I worked for myself.
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So I just, and even when I worked for someone, you know, the last job I had, like, it wasn't a real job.
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Sure.
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Yeah.
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I got paid to take care of this person's house.
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Like it wasn't hard.
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So, you know, I, and I would spend hours and hours.
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I wasn't getting things done.
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Wasn't reading books,
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nothing like that because I was spending hours and hours smoking weed in the,
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in the garage.
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Like, and now both of us are working a lot.
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And so we don't really want to spend our time, the little bit of time that we have, you know,
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just smoking like that short like yeah because you're not present for your life
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right like you feel like you're so present you're like you feel like you're so like
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feeling all the feels but like you're really not like you're doing the opposite
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literally that's exactly what's happening because oh man and it honestly has
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started to cause like
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issues for us like just in general day-to-day life you know it it will have
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full-blown conversations while we're stoned out of our minds and then we won't
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remember them the next day and like that's a big deal just on so many levels like
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it makes me wonder like
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what's happening inside of my brain folds, you know?
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Right.
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I feel you on that.
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I understand the same thing.
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So, but how did you get from, you know, being down to becoming an entrepreneur?
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So I was kind of forced into entrepreneurship at an early age.
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I wasn't forced.
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I guess that's not the right word.
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I feel like I was forced, but it was a blessing.
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When I met my husband now, like 2008, we actually met on MySpace.
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I know it's super, makes me old.
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That's how my ex-husband and I met.
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We met on MySpace too.
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That's crazy.
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Yeah, so when I say MySpace, they're like, oh my God, you're old.
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Like, I'm only 36.
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I'm not that old.
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But when I say that...
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Yeah.
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Anyway,
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so we met on MySpace and I was coming out a really abusive relationship and I had
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worked for a cleaning company and I worked at Walgreens on night shift and the
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cleaning company shut down.
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And I was a single mom at this point.
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My son's father had already committed suicide and I
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he, he, the guy like shut down the cleaning company and he did not tell us he changed his number.
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And I just met my husband.
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Now, like we just, just met, like it was fresh in a relationship.
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Like, Hey, you know, damaged goods here with a child and you know, all this.
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also my company just shut down so here i am nice to meet you and uh he was like
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just get you know an loc bond insured i got a really good insurance guy and start
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your own business like you know how to clean houses so he really like encouraged me
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to just do it and i was like i can't do it he's like you don't know how to clean
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and kind of you know not coach me but he was definitely a major support to where
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i'm like yeah i can do this and i
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You know, I knocked on one door and just said, hey, like, this is what happened.
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I played the not sob story was true.
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Like this guy ghosted us.
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It was in November, right before Christmas.
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Stevie was two at the time.
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He's 19 now.
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And I was like, can I clean your house?
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They're like, of course.
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And I did it for 15 years and I ran my cleaning company.
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Wow.
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Yeah,
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it was awesome because,
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you know,
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if Stevie,
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everyone knew Stevie and they knew of my story because they became family.
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And if he had like a concert or an event, they, my schedule was super flexible.
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It was, you know, it was great.
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It was wonderful.
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That's awesome.
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That's really, I think so amazing on multiple levels.
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Like not only was that a really great turning point for you,
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but like the foundation of y'all's relationships started with like support.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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The fact that he was like,
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think you can you know you can't clean like and he pushed you a little bit that is
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the you know a true pillar of a partner yeah absolutely like people who don't do
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that you know had he not done that you know who knows where life would have taken
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you
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Oh, yeah.
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I talk about that all the time.
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I express gratitude is like a big thing for me.
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And I just express my gratitude for him and he does for me as well.
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But I always say that, where would I be?
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Because the odds weren't looking too great for young Amber.
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It wasn't my course to succeed the way that I did.
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But support is so important.
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So I'm super grateful to have him.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, that's really it.
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I was really unaware how critical that was.
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until I needed it and I didn't have it.
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And then when I needed it and I did have it, it's, it's, it's kind of wild.
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So, so who is Amber outside of, you know, all of this, like what, what, what is your fun side?
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Like,
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like,
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you know,
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without all of the trauma and the baggage that we all carry with us,
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what,
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what is just like your favorite life things?
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Right now, just like living and expressing gratitude, I'm homeschooling my youngest.
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Now, my two oldest, I graduated last year.
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So now I have Austin is, he'll be eight.
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He's in second grade and I just started homeschooling.
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We purchased a condo in Florida.
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So we're living between Florida and Maryland.
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So I love the beach.
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Any reason to go to the beach.
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That's where I went today just to kind of like, you know.
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Ugh.
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Yeah, this the beach is like my favorite thing.
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And just I do a lot of journaling.
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I do a lot of writing.
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I do.
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I'm still doing a lot of work on myself,
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to be honest,
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like,
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even though I feel like the book is like,
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all right,
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it's done.
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It was healing.
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But like, I still have a lot of things to work through it.
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And I want to be, you know,
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A hundred percent.
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And just, I trying to get better every day.
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I know no one's perfect.
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I'm not trying to be perfect,
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but I'm just trying to better myself because there was a lot of damage and there's still,
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even though it's been,
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you know,
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18 years since the suicide,
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like I'm still damaged and I still have work to do.
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And I'm, I'm not afraid to admit that.
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I, you know,
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I've talked to a few people about this,
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how like being able to recognize and admit that you have things that you need to
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work on is the biggest and the hardest step because there's so many people out
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there who know but refuse to acknowledge it or who have no idea that they have all
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this stuff that they need to be working on.
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And it's not like, oh, you need to go work on yourself.
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No, people don't understand when you do this, like you were saying.
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you become your best self.
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You're not changing yourself.
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You're simply evolving into who you were supposed to be.
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Exactly.
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And so it's interesting because sometimes I feel bad for those people and other
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times I don't because I'm like,
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well,
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at least you're just blissfully living your
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little life like yeah yeah i know i know exactly what you're saying and that'll be
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another conversation but it's it's hard to admit right like that's the first step
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admitting and then talking about it if you choose to not like faking it till you
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make it with social media and filters like it's so easy to be fake and phony and
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not a lot of people talk about the real stuff below the surface for real like i
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think that's what
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Made me gravitate to Substack to begin with.
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Because I was so tired of having to fucking filter myself.
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Yeah.
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Like.
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Even saying shit like my kid died.
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Like people would get all weird about that.
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And I'm like.
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I am simply just telling you the truth.
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There's nothing weird about this.
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It is.
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Right.
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There's nothing bad about these words.
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None of these words on their own are bad.
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Like.
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So.
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The fact that people were uncomfortable with it.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And.
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because of people like that, I did not share anything for many, many, many years.
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And that's why I'm writing this book.
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And that's why I'm on Substack now,
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because like,
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for that very reason,
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it's so easy to just brush off everything people say when you go through shit,
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like what we've gone through.
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And
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is really important at least personally for me that we emphasize that it wasn't
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easy but i don't know about you i would not have changed a thing i would go back
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and do it again and again and again if i could have those moments with lily all
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over again have those experiences like to me not only was she worth it but
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The shit that I went through mentally,
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emotionally,
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physically,
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spiritually through that entire process and beyond.
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I would not be the kick-ass person that I am now.
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I wouldn't have done all this shit.
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I wouldn't have, you know, put in the effort and spent the money to go to therapy every fucking week.
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So I don't have to be afraid every time my daughter's tummy hurts or like, you know, all of those things.
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I wouldn't have done any of that.
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And so I don't think there's very many people who openly talk about their suicide attempts.
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out there.
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And so the fact that you do that is really brave,
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like really,
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really brave,
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even if you're like,
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what the fuck?
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What does bravery have to do with that?
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But I know it takes, you know, energy to put that stuff out there.
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And, you know, even though it was difficult.
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Did I have a hard time talking this night?
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I just said this night.
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Wow.
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Taylor, man, we're on a roll right now.
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Okay.
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Yeah, I guess so.
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I don't, it's been a, it's been a hot minute, but I also was sick for like two freaking weeks.
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It was terrible.
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Oh,
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I saw,
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I saw,
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I don't want to do really,
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but before you go on,
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I have to,
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I have to comment on something that's been in my mind.
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I don't want to forget.
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Cause
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I love the person.
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I am so sorry what happened to you with your daughter, but I love that who it shaped you to be.
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I love the realness that you bring to it.
(00:18:42):
I heard you on Gemma James podcast and this sticks out to my head so much when you're like,
(00:18:49):
someone said you know you lost your child like i didn't lose her like she did like
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you know she said she died like yeah that moms need to hear because i i know a
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really good friend who just went through this and you know there's a lot of people
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that go through it's super unfortunate but like your realness like your ballsiness
(00:19:04):
to just say it how it is is incredible for the world because not a lot of people
(00:19:09):
it's all you know we can't talk about that exactly so i love i love who you are and
(00:19:15):
what did she i'm sorry for what you went through again but
(00:19:18):
the person that shaped you to be and the badass that you are and to be able to be
(00:19:21):
that light for so many people it's just incredible if no one's told you lately like
(00:19:26):
you're crushing it you're killing it no one has so i really appreciate that and
(00:19:31):
i've been really struggling lately i'm just it's been it's been a little not like
(00:19:36):
like uh well yeah it's just been a lot lately um and you know it's been three years
(00:19:44):
since i've had like a real big girl job
(00:19:47):
So like there was adjusting to that.
(00:19:49):
And I was so surprised at how quickly all of the insecurities that I had working in a job like that.
(00:19:55):
Sure.
(00:19:56):
I thought I got rid of them.
(00:19:58):
Right.
(00:19:59):
Then you go back into the real world.
(00:20:00):
Like, okay, they're still there.
(00:20:01):
I got more work to do.
(00:20:03):
Literally.
(00:20:03):
I was like, okay.
(00:20:06):
Cause like right now I'm really trying to work on my mean girl because like,
(00:20:11):
I think it's really important to,
(00:20:13):
I'm,
(00:20:14):
I always was trying to evict her,
(00:20:16):
but I really,
(00:20:17):
I started listening to this audio book called mastering your inner mean girl,
(00:20:22):
mastering your mean girl,
(00:20:23):
something like that.
(00:20:24):
And it's not about getting rid of her.
(00:20:26):
It's about,
(00:20:26):
teaching her how to live life correctly sure sure and out of love and not out of
(00:20:35):
fear because that's what it is she's the she's saying is strictly out of fear right
(00:20:40):
right and it doesn't matter what it is you know from the with where i'll turn
(00:20:47):
around and feel my body move in a certain way and she goes oh you're fad
(00:20:53):
to you know oh my gosh did i say something stupid like it's all fear like it's all
(00:21:01):
right right right and it's been kind of cool how how like it's not actually that
(00:21:10):
hard to flip it around no it just takes time
(00:21:15):
um and so i'm not doing well with the time part right now and i think that's what i
(00:21:21):
mean by i'm struggling it's just i've always been you know instant gratification it
(00:21:26):
doesn't help that i'm a millennial like
(00:21:29):
i grew up in the time of now i can get anything whenever i want it whenever i want
(00:21:34):
it wherever i want it like sure people literally escape to places where you can't
(00:21:38):
do that now right right so intense and so i want you know i want my book to be done
(00:21:46):
now i want my sub stack to be the best seller sub stack i want to have a million
(00:21:51):
podcast downloads like i want all these things and they'll happen eventually but
(00:21:58):
I have this habit of when life gets hard,
(00:22:03):
I tend to bury my head in the sand and ignore everything but my absolute have tos.
(00:22:12):
Like, I have to do these things.
(00:22:14):
I don't have a choice.
(00:22:16):
And pulling myself out of that is normally...
(00:22:23):
really hard and this time it was starting to get easier and then getting sick just
(00:22:31):
knocked the sails out of me it was like all of my spoons that i'd finally started
(00:22:35):
like filling back up were just like it was like someone shook them and like
(00:22:39):
scattered them across the earth sure maybe that's a sign that you need to slow down
(00:22:44):
and not try to go quickly like just enjoy the process you know because we like you
(00:22:49):
said we want instant gratification but like yeah say you have a million subtext
(00:22:54):
followers or whatever like what if half a million are making negative mean comments
(00:22:58):
like are you prepared for that you know like we want all these things back but like
(00:23:02):
we have to continue to work on ourselves so we can be able to handle whatever comes
(00:23:07):
our way because you know shit's coming our way girl you know we're gonna take more
(00:23:10):
blow after blow after blow like that's just life like we're used to it like we're
(00:23:14):
prepared for the worst yeah and it's like i i will say and i don't know if you feel
(00:23:18):
this way but like pretty much nothing phases me anymore
(00:23:22):
Yeah.
(00:23:22):
I'm like, yeah, I'm definitely at that point.
(00:23:25):
Yeah.
(00:23:25):
I'm like, okay, press, let's keep going.
(00:23:28):
Yeah.
(00:23:29):
There's nothing else you can do,
(00:23:30):
but I appreciate you saying that a lot because I've finally started like,
(00:23:36):
feeling the spark again and it's coming back and i'm i'm finally like okay i'm
(00:23:43):
ready to go back to unfucking myself i'm ready to go back to pursuing my actual
(00:23:50):
dreams because i got a little starry-eyed at the beginning of this job i was like
(00:23:57):
oh this is it's a great job
(00:23:59):
Don't get me wrong.
(00:23:59):
Like it's a fucking dream come true for what I need right now.
(00:24:04):
But it is not what I want.
(00:24:06):
Like when I actually sit down and think about it, I do not want to work for anyone but myself.
(00:24:10):
Sure.
(00:24:12):
Like I don't want that in my future.
(00:24:17):
And I don't want, you know, people –
(00:24:22):
I just hate people in my business.
(00:24:24):
Of course.
(00:24:24):
I mean,
(00:24:25):
especially once you get the taste of like not working for people and being under
(00:24:28):
that microscope and you go back,
(00:24:29):
but like you really want your book and your book is so important and you're going
(00:24:33):
to crush it.
(00:24:34):
You're going to nail it, but it's not something that happens quick.
(00:24:36):
So like your job's a good distraction and you also make money.
(00:24:39):
So that's, you know, plus and you don't have to work with entrepreneurship.
(00:24:43):
Like you have to come up with your own funding and paychecks and all right now.
(00:24:48):
this kind of like it's a temporary thing right like while you work on your book and
(00:24:51):
master that and it's not forever it's temporary like you're in the driver's seat
(00:24:55):
you know yeah exactly so thank you i appreciate that i needed it um but you brought
(00:25:05):
up the part about
(00:25:07):
You know, I didn't lose my daughter.
(00:25:08):
God, that pissed me off.
(00:25:09):
It's not as a big deal anymore.
(00:25:11):
But for years.
(00:25:13):
I couldn't imagine.
(00:25:14):
I couldn't imagine.
(00:25:15):
It just made me so mad.
(00:25:17):
I'm like, she didn't fucking disappear.
(00:25:19):
Yeah, like she's not an amusement park lost.
(00:25:21):
Like, you know, she's just not.
(00:25:23):
I.
(00:25:26):
I love that part about you I love that stands out to me so much because it it's
(00:25:31):
just so real like it's so and that's why I like harassing like hey I'm gonna do a
(00:25:34):
podcast with you now like your realness and wrongness I was like I had to talk to
(00:25:38):
her and I have a feeling like we're gonna run out of time we're gonna talk over and
(00:25:41):
then talk after and well and I really like I said like
(00:25:49):
my i need people like that in my life and i make sure to express like my best
(00:25:54):
friend knows like if she asks me for something she knows that sometimes she's gonna
(00:25:58):
have to harass me for it like sure like i wrote a really nice letter of
(00:26:04):
recommendation for her but did she have to ask me three times anyway um because if
(00:26:10):
i don't write it down and put it in my calendar things don't happen which is
(00:26:14):
sometimes very frustrating um
(00:26:17):
So you have two grown children.
(00:26:19):
Yeah.
(00:26:21):
And then you have your younger kiddo who is the same age as my stepdaughter.
(00:26:26):
That's fun.
(00:26:30):
How are you enjoying that age?
(00:26:32):
It's really fun because, you know, Stevie and Lexi, they're both, Lexi's 18 and Stevie's 19.
(00:26:38):
When I met Justin, he had a two-year-old daughter and I had a two-year-old son.
(00:26:43):
So what about that?
(00:26:44):
yeah and they're six months apart they both have blonde hair blue eyes i know your
(00:26:49):
listeners can't see me but i clearly have like dark hair and my husband when he had
(00:26:52):
hair also has dark hair so it's so weird everyone's like are they twins so most if
(00:26:57):
i don't never meet them again like yes they're twins it's just too complicated like
(00:27:00):
i met him on myspace and you know i mean like um so they're awesome they're like
(00:27:06):
grown doing the college thing driving scary times but they're incredible humans
(00:27:11):
They're incredible human beings.
(00:27:13):
And Austin is like, I get to redo it all over again.
(00:27:15):
I get to know where I fucked up along the way with my older ones.
(00:27:22):
I can't even imagine being able to do that.
(00:27:25):
I would fucking love that.
(00:27:27):
yeah it's like i get a redo you know like i learned all the lesson now like i'm not
(00:27:31):
rushing it but i know i'm gonna be such a badass grandma because that'll be like my
(00:27:34):
round three you know what though you know what so that's how my parents kind of are
(00:27:40):
it's really funny that you mentioned that so my sister and i are nine years apart
(00:27:45):
wow um we have the same parents um my parents had me when they were super young um
(00:27:54):
And I got it all.
(00:27:55):
I grew up with them.
(00:27:56):
While they were growing up, I was growing up.
(00:27:57):
Yeah.
(00:27:57):
So my parents, when they partied,
(00:28:12):
was there.
(00:28:12):
Like if they had a party at our house, I was there.
(00:28:15):
Not that I don't think they did that very often,
(00:28:18):
but you know,
(00:28:19):
still that's just how their lifestyle was back then.
(00:28:22):
And you know, it, they, they didn't know a lot when they had me.
(00:28:27):
And so they definitely did better when Emma came around.
(00:28:31):
I'm not, I don't have any hate towards my parents.
(00:28:34):
I fucking love my parents.
(00:28:35):
And like,
(00:28:37):
could not have done some of the things i've done in my life without them um and
(00:28:41):
they they know they had things that they had faults and i have faults and i you
(00:28:47):
know it's just one of those things where it's like they didn't know any better and
(00:28:51):
they also didn't know all the generational trauma that came from their family that
(00:28:56):
they carried and inherited because they both had really heavy generational trauma i
(00:29:02):
mean just some serious
(00:29:05):
like could we let's let's try to tone this down a little bit please like maybe by
(00:29:12):
the time lucy has a kid yeah right
(00:29:16):
the realness.
(00:29:17):
So I mean, you can't sugarcoat the realness.
(00:29:19):
And that's what you know,
(00:29:20):
life's about just the real Stevie definitely got like the first dose of like we were,
(00:29:24):
you know,
(00:29:24):
in our party and stages and like the,
(00:29:26):
the things I would like clutch my pearls of thought of doing around Austin,
(00:29:30):
you know,
(00:29:31):
I sometimes I beat myself up.
(00:29:32):
But like, you know, I'm learning, I'm learning, I'm like learning every single day.
(00:29:37):
Like, I'm not afraid to admit I wasn't perfect.
(00:29:39):
Like,
(00:29:40):
fucked up a lot.
(00:29:41):
Like, there's a lot of things.
(00:29:42):
I would say, I mean, he's learned to write a song along with me.
(00:29:46):
Like, I joke and say he's my dad.
(00:29:48):
Fun fact, he actually walked me down the aisle.
(00:29:50):
Justin and I didn't get married until two years ago.
(00:29:53):
Yeah, and he walked down the aisle.
(00:29:54):
I love that.
(00:29:55):
he's my dad he keeps me in line like back when i was drinking if we would go to
(00:29:59):
like sunday in the country he would have like Tylenol on my nightstand and a bottle
(00:30:02):
of water like he's so responsible and takes such good care of his hot mess mom um
(00:30:09):
oh that's so sweet yeah he's my little dad but he's awesome yeah so so my sister
(00:30:17):
came around and they did a lot better yeah a lot better especially so for my dad it
(00:30:22):
was with the emotions you know
(00:30:24):
because he was like oh fuck I'm having another girl okay all right yeah yeah yeah
(00:30:29):
two girls two girls that was all he got that's it you guys no more just the two
(00:30:33):
sisters just just me and my sister yeah and my mom had a miscarriage like a super
(00:30:38):
late like almost it was like at that weird like turning point where it's like a
(00:30:47):
miscarriage but if you're a few days later would have been a stillborn type thing
(00:30:52):
So that happened when I was six.
(00:30:55):
And then it took my mom a long time to get, or not a long time, a little bit to get pregnant after that.
(00:31:02):
But watching them with my daughter,
(00:31:06):
I'm like, who the fuck, where the fuck were you guys when I was her age?
(00:31:09):
Right.
(00:31:11):
Oh.
(00:31:12):
But it's funny that you mentioned that also because I was, we're watching Yellowstone right now.
(00:31:18):
And the main character mentioned, he's like, I get to do all the things that I fucked up.
(00:31:23):
Yeah.
(00:31:23):
I get to fix all of that this time.
(00:31:25):
And I get to do all the things that I wanted to do that I didn't get to do.
(00:31:28):
yeah definitely and that's totally what they're doing i mean the amount of my kid
(00:31:33):
has that's awesome though support's so important it's so important it is it is and
(00:31:40):
i'm doing a lot better about actually utilizing it learning how to accept help has
(00:31:47):
been something that has been a work in progress for like four years now sure i
(00:31:52):
couldn't imagine you know
(00:31:54):
I heard your backstory,
(00:31:56):
you know,
(00:31:56):
military and not having that support,
(00:31:58):
then like just having to fend for yourself.
(00:32:00):
Then you go in again, survival mode.
(00:32:02):
And then you don't want no one to help you because like, you'll figure it out right there.
(00:32:06):
You'll find a way.
(00:32:07):
So I couldn't imagine having to transform out of that survival mode to saying, okay, I need help.
(00:32:14):
I mean, you did it.
(00:32:17):
You transformed out of that survival mode and we're like, okay, I need help.
(00:32:21):
I need to do something.
(00:32:22):
I need to fix this.
(00:32:23):
My parents aren't in my life.
(00:32:24):
My dad left me when I was super young and my mom's not in my life.
(00:32:27):
Yeah, I guess with Justin, I did that.
(00:32:30):
He had his...
(00:32:33):
my support wasn't there.
(00:32:34):
We had the, neither one of us really had like love growing up shown to us.
(00:32:38):
So we had to create it and then show our kids was like, like support is so big.
(00:32:43):
Communication is huge.
(00:32:45):
And,
(00:32:45):
um,
(00:32:46):
our circle of five with,
(00:32:47):
you know,
(00:32:47):
my kids and I,
(00:32:49):
um,
(00:32:49):
but yeah,
(00:32:49):
we just,
(00:32:50):
we had to create it and we weren't shown it.
(00:32:52):
So we, we made it.
(00:32:55):
I that's, I love that.
(00:32:58):
And that's something that, you know,
(00:33:01):
Devin and I are working really, really hard to eventually have because he, it's so interesting.
(00:33:08):
He has a giant family technically,
(00:33:11):
but it's because his parents have both been divorced,
(00:33:15):
remarried,
(00:33:15):
divorced,
(00:33:16):
remarried,
(00:33:16):
you know,
(00:33:17):
and he went through a whole bunch of shit as a kid,
(00:33:22):
just between,
(00:33:22):
you know,
(00:33:24):
the two parents house.
(00:33:26):
So,
(00:33:27):
He's not really close to any of his family except for his one sister.
(00:33:33):
And it's funny because that one sister is almost the exact same age as my sister.
(00:33:39):
They are in the same field of work.
(00:33:41):
They're both teachers.
(00:33:43):
Their birthdays are a week apart, which is super weird.
(00:33:48):
Yeah.
(00:33:49):
It's super wild because Devin and I's birthdays are two weeks apart.
(00:33:54):
Okay.
(00:33:55):
Yeah.
(00:33:56):
Which was just like,
(00:33:58):
Interesting.
(00:33:59):
Maybe those are the signs that this is, this is where everything's supposed to be.
(00:34:03):
Yeah.
(00:34:03):
This is where you're meant to be for sure.
(00:34:05):
I definitely believe in signs and I'm a hundred percent.
(00:34:09):
Oh yeah.
(00:34:10):
Yeah.
(00:34:10):
I,
(00:34:11):
uh,
(00:34:11):
I definitely have learned to actually allow myself to believe that stuff because
(00:34:21):
I've felt all of that scene,
(00:34:22):
all of that understood,
(00:34:24):
all of that,
(00:34:25):
I feel like from a very young age,
(00:34:27):
I've been able to feel and read people's energies since I was like five,
(00:34:31):
I feel like.
(00:34:31):
Same.
(00:34:32):
I'm a Pisces, so I'm super emotional.
(00:34:35):
I'm super emotionally.
(00:34:36):
Yeah, I'm like very aware of everyone's emotions, my emotions.
(00:34:40):
And sometimes I overthink it because I'm just so emotional.
(00:34:43):
Literally, that's been so fucking hard for me, because I'm a Pisces too.
(00:34:48):
Oh, wow.
(00:34:49):
Yeah, so for most of my life, my solution was, oh, I just won't feel them.
(00:34:54):
Yeah, right, right, right.
(00:34:55):
I couldn't handle it.
(00:34:56):
They were too heavy.
(00:34:58):
They were too big, because the way we feel emotions...
(00:35:01):
It's so fucking different.
(00:35:04):
It's intense, man.
(00:35:05):
It's intense.
(00:35:06):
Have you done your human design?
(00:35:08):
I just did it.
(00:35:09):
I actually bought a book.
(00:35:11):
Um, I bought a book on it because, uh, I had never heard of it before.
(00:35:15):
And on one of our calls, one of our calls with Kara, she, someone asked what her human design was.
(00:35:22):
And I never heard of that before.
(00:35:24):
One of the girls in our group does, um,
(00:35:29):
human design blueprint readings i believe oh is it christina king the the birth
(00:35:35):
chart i would have to look it up maybe i know christina king does birth chart
(00:35:44):
readings i had a call with her if you haven't you need to because she oh she's
(00:35:47):
amazing yeah she's so good yeah is she the one that's writing the like adult
(00:35:55):
version of 17.
(00:35:57):
magazine like she's doing okay okay so that person does human design well i need to
(00:36:04):
talk to her because i just learned what it was i went down that road i'm like a
(00:36:07):
manifesting generator or something yeah yeah you are probably very similar yeah i
(00:36:13):
have i just bought a book from amazon because i was like i've never heard of this i
(00:36:16):
need to know more but then i go down different rabbit holes of and sometimes i go
(00:36:21):
all in way too much i'm like not yet i got the book i opened them like this is
(00:36:24):
really intense let me just stay in my lane of like
(00:36:27):
working on myself and you know yeah yeah i dove into it and it taught me a lot but
(00:36:34):
it was almost like i did a surface level dive okay um because i i got the book for
(00:36:42):
my specific blueprint like i bought it or whatever um and that was i mean it's it
(00:36:51):
was like this thick
(00:36:53):
Oh, wow.
(00:36:54):
Literally an inch thick.
(00:36:56):
And it taught me so much about myself.
(00:37:01):
There were so many places where I was like.
(00:37:06):
People can't see my face right now, but I'm just.
(00:37:08):
I can see it.
(00:37:09):
I can see it.
(00:37:09):
Yeah, exactly.
(00:37:10):
I was just fucking.
(00:37:11):
I felt that blown away.
(00:37:14):
I don't I don't even have the words to accurately describe how like.
(00:37:20):
I feel like my soul was seen.
(00:37:22):
And in reality, it was.
(00:37:24):
That is your soul laid out in a map form.
(00:37:27):
And it shows you exactly how it functions.
(00:37:30):
And that was what taught me about my soul contract with Lily.
(00:37:33):
And that was what taught me about how I feel my emotions and why certain things
(00:37:41):
that I experience feel the way they do.
(00:37:43):
And it's because of the type of human I am.
(00:37:46):
And
(00:37:49):
It gave me a lot of insight into my communication challenges.
(00:37:54):
Okay.
(00:37:57):
So, but I completely understand not wanting to dive into that yet.
(00:38:01):
Yeah.
(00:38:02):
I'm super intimidated just to learn more about myself.
(00:38:05):
Is that weird to say?
(00:38:06):
Oh, I'm terrified.
(00:38:07):
I, I, I'm so, are you ready for this?
(00:38:11):
Yeah.
(00:38:12):
Truth, truth moment.
(00:38:13):
I'm scared to know what it's live, what it's like, what it is like to live without an eating disorder.
(00:38:19):
I don't, I don't, I'm scared to live without body dysmorphia because I'm afraid I'm going to get fat.
(00:38:25):
I'm afraid I'm not going to love myself.
(00:38:27):
Like they keep me in line.
(00:38:29):
They keep me in shape.
(00:38:30):
They keep me, you know, the way I want to be.
(00:38:33):
So, and that's been something that like with the type of therapy that I'm doing, it's, it's better.
(00:38:40):
Cause I don't want to talk about it.
(00:38:41):
Yeah.
(00:38:43):
It's more like it's EMDR, EFT, hypnosis, all of that stuff kind of combined.
(00:38:52):
It works incredibly well.
(00:38:56):
So I completely understand being intimidated or scared to work more on yourself or
(00:39:04):
learn more about yourself.
(00:39:05):
Because I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel like, what the fuck am I going to open up?
(00:39:09):
you know?
(00:39:09):
Right.
(00:39:09):
Right.
(00:39:10):
And that's why I was afraid to do this podcast because like I wrote the book.
(00:39:13):
Right.
(00:39:13):
And that was, it was really healing, but really hard, especially to read it back.
(00:39:19):
Like I read the whole thing.
(00:39:20):
I was like, there's no fucking way I'm putting this out for like the world to see my underwear drawer.
(00:39:23):
Like there's,
(00:39:24):
cause there's some pretty intense moments and a lot of truth moments,
(00:39:27):
a lot,
(00:39:28):
but I wanted to go in.
(00:39:30):
Like I really was writing this for myself,
(00:39:31):
like just as a healing and it wasn't going to,
(00:39:33):
but it turned out so well.
(00:39:35):
And I'm not like a person to pat myself on the back as,
(00:39:38):
much as others but it turned out really good i'm like it would be a disservice not
(00:39:42):
to like put this out for the world to see so going on the podcast is hard because
(00:39:46):
now i have to talk about it or talk about events or answer questions which is silly
(00:39:50):
because i talk every day like i don't understand why i'm having a like we get in
(00:39:57):
our head and like we oh yeah it's it's crazy crazy
(00:40:01):
It's absolutely fucking crazy.
(00:40:03):
And I totally understand what you mean by that,
(00:40:07):
though,
(00:40:08):
because like if people I was so nervous to go on Gemma's podcast.
(00:40:13):
You did so good.
(00:40:14):
I love this.
(00:40:15):
Thank you.
(00:40:16):
She's great.
(00:40:16):
I love her.
(00:40:17):
I wish I could just teleport so I could see her once a week.
(00:40:21):
I love her voice.
(00:40:23):
I love her voice so much.
(00:40:25):
She has a perfect voice.
(00:40:27):
I know.
(00:40:28):
You need to check out Georgia Claire.
(00:40:30):
She's also on Substack.
(00:40:32):
She does meditations.
(00:40:34):
Her voice is like
(00:40:38):
a so she's older so it's like that more of like a motherly version like an older
(00:40:45):
motherly version of Gemma's voice but it's that same kind of accent that is just
(00:40:50):
when it's just so pleasing to the ear I'm gonna have to look it up definitely have
(00:40:55):
to check her out
(00:40:57):
yeah she's on i got she went on it she ended up on insight timer because i was like
(00:41:01):
you should put your stuff on inside timer so i can use you because i'm obsessed
(00:41:06):
with insight timer it's like the only meditation app that i'll use but okay so we
(00:41:13):
are about 40.
(00:41:17):
i have no idea i don't like that it doesn't give me a timer like it does on zoom um
(00:41:22):
we're about 40-ish minutes left
(00:41:27):
I hear lots and lots and lots of thunder coming.
(00:41:33):
So I think you want to do like 10 more minutes and then.
(00:41:37):
Yeah, whatever.
(00:41:38):
I'm super flexible.
(00:41:40):
I'm not.
(00:41:41):
I really just don't.
(00:41:43):
Neither am I. Unless you say something like just straight up asshole-ish.
(00:41:49):
And then I'm going to be like, really, bro?
(00:41:50):
Why the fuck did you do that?
(00:41:51):
Don't worry.
(00:41:52):
I think everything.
(00:41:53):
So nothing like come out of my mouth.
(00:41:55):
I ever think way too much.
(00:41:58):
I relate to that.
(00:41:59):
Did you know that's actually kind of a form of OCD?
(00:42:02):
No, I did not.
(00:42:04):
Yeah.
(00:42:05):
Yeah.
(00:42:06):
Yeah.
(00:42:06):
That was a little fun, a fun little thing I unpacked about myself.
(00:42:12):
Yeah.
(00:42:12):
Yeah.
(00:42:13):
So you can, part of having OCD can be the obsessive compulsive thoughts where you can't stop them.
(00:42:20):
You can't stop thinking about them.
(00:42:22):
And it's like an extreme form of ruminating.
(00:42:25):
Um,
(00:42:28):
So, yeah, that was really interesting.
(00:42:30):
But I feel you on the overthinking thing because I don't know if this is something
(00:42:35):
that you used to struggle with.
(00:42:36):
But I used to overthink to the point where I just was indecisive.
(00:42:41):
I couldn't make a decision.
(00:42:42):
Yeah.
(00:42:43):
I couldn't do anything.
(00:42:44):
I still can't decide, like, what's for dinner.
(00:42:47):
Or my husband's like, where are you going?
(00:42:49):
I'm like, I don't know.
(00:42:49):
Don't ask me.
(00:42:50):
Please don't ask me.
(00:42:51):
Like, I don't want to make a decision.
(00:42:53):
No, I literally got a decision wheel for that exact reason.
(00:42:56):
Oh, that's a good idea.
(00:42:58):
yeah i have an app it has like it has like multiple wheels on it but it has like
(00:43:03):
energy drinks places to eat safe foods oh wow you have a lot of golden nuggets here
(00:43:11):
oh thank you i you know this is all that i've just picked from picked up from
(00:43:16):
people like you know podcasts that i've listened to and stuff like that but i'm
(00:43:22):
really starting to learn that i think
(00:43:26):
really there's no disorders.
(00:43:30):
I think you are,
(00:43:31):
you know,
(00:43:32):
one breed of human or the other breed of human because when you have challenges,
(00:43:41):
trauma,
(00:43:42):
PTSD,
(00:43:43):
anxiety,
(00:43:44):
ADHD,
(00:43:45):
depression,
(00:43:45):
all of those end up manifesting fairly similarly.
(00:43:50):
If you, if you really look at it and you really think about the challenges that people have,
(00:43:57):
know not being able to make a decision indecisiveness is like a hallmark sign of
(00:44:01):
you know trauma like yeah having that you know growing up in households where you
(00:44:07):
know if you made the wrong decision you were punished for that or um you know being
(00:44:14):
making the right choice and being right was the ultimate like that was the gold
(00:44:18):
standard you were not to deviate um and but people
(00:44:26):
with ADHD struggle with that and people with depression struggle with that and
(00:44:31):
people with OCD struggle with that.
(00:44:33):
So it's like,
(00:44:35):
you know,
(00:44:35):
at a certain point,
(00:44:36):
I don't really think of think I believe in labels of how with our mental health,
(00:44:47):
I think people go through things and there are side effects of those things.
(00:44:54):
And just like,
(00:44:56):
when you go through combat there's a side effect of combat like you when you go
(00:45:05):
through the shit that we went through like we would have already had some
(00:45:10):
challenges just based off of how we grew up like sure but when you go through stuff
(00:45:16):
like we did excuse me it it just compiles on like yep
(00:45:24):
It multiplies and people try to throw labels at you.
(00:45:33):
But in the end, what it really is, is you just have to really learn how to manage those side effects.
(00:45:42):
And a lot of them will go away.
(00:45:45):
People don't really realize how much you can do to remap your entire brain.
(00:45:50):
Oh, yeah.
(00:45:52):
Still remapping here.
(00:45:53):
I'm still remapping.
(00:45:55):
Oh, girl, me too.
(00:45:57):
Me freaking too.
(00:45:58):
I did so much work, but I feel like it's only on the surface level.
(00:46:02):
There's always work to be done.
(00:46:03):
But again, you have to be honest with yourself that, okay, bitch, we got more work to do.
(00:46:08):
That's fine.
(00:46:11):
You just have to be real with yourself.
(00:46:14):
Oh, my God.
(00:46:14):
I'm literally...
(00:46:17):
I need to write that down.
(00:46:19):
Bitch, we've got more work to do because that's going to be the title.
(00:46:22):
That's going to be the title of this.
(00:46:24):
And my next, my part two of brain starting to get unfucked.
(00:46:28):
I'm going to just use the brain starting to get unfucked as a subtitle.
(00:46:32):
And the title is going to be, bitch, we've got more work to do.
(00:46:36):
Yeah.
(00:46:37):
Look, I'll be honest.
(00:46:38):
I wanted to go.
(00:46:39):
This sounds not silly, but no, this does not sound silly.
(00:46:42):
This is the perfect role for me.
(00:46:43):
I want to go to coaching school.
(00:46:44):
I want to coach other women who...
(00:46:47):
who just struggle with,
(00:46:48):
you know,
(00:46:49):
no matter what it is,
(00:46:50):
like,
(00:46:50):
clean start is so big to me,
(00:46:52):
like,
(00:46:52):
you can have a clean start with a new job with,
(00:46:54):
you know,
(00:46:55):
new military base,
(00:46:56):
new hairdo,
(00:46:57):
like,
(00:46:57):
you can have a clean start leaving your husband,
(00:46:59):
like,
(00:47:00):
with anything.
(00:47:02):
And I just feel like anyone is like, able to have a clean start.
(00:47:05):
And I want to inspire and empower other,
(00:47:08):
mainly women,
(00:47:08):
but I mean,
(00:47:09):
anyone really,
(00:47:10):
I say women,
(00:47:10):
because I talk
(00:47:11):
very like you know feminine yeah yeah we flow very well and i've never been like a
(00:47:16):
girly girl overall i hope so it's weird to me but now i'm you know what cares
(00:47:20):
mastermind and stuff like i love like i can say anything on the call so not be like
(00:47:24):
oh my god are they gonna overthink it you know
(00:47:28):
Because everyone's ever singing anyway about their own shit.
(00:47:31):
Yeah.
(00:47:31):
So I, yes, that's me.
(00:47:34):
I grew up like my mom still likes to make comments about the wrinkly t-shirts and
(00:47:38):
the baggy shorts that I used to wear every day in elementary and middle school
(00:47:43):
because I was a tomboy.
(00:47:44):
But now I've got eight different pairs of freaking glasses and half of them are pink.
(00:47:50):
Like, but, and I didn't really like the girl thing either until I,
(00:48:00):
found my group that i had when lily was alive when none of us are all really
(00:48:08):
friends anymore which kind of sucks i'm sorry well i saw this happen to my mom she
(00:48:15):
was in a due date group um way back in the day when they did like list serves and
(00:48:20):
stuff um hold on just a second what's up kiddo um
(00:48:30):
yeah you can come when am i going to come in in like an hour and a half i was
(00:48:39):
asking you what you needed i'm doing a podcast right now baby i'm almost done
(00:48:50):
what's going on
(00:48:57):
okay all right i'll come be with you in just a minute okay i love you you can leave
(00:49:04):
my door open it's okay mom life doesn't get any realer than that that's real life
(00:49:11):
right there ladies and gentlemen for real maybe i won't cut it out that i'm not
(00:49:16):
gonna cut out that's real life yeah it's like that's the reality of the situation
(00:49:21):
like people that's been something that i i get
(00:49:27):
discouraged by as a lot of the people that I see,
(00:49:30):
I think watching you do things has been really inspiring because a lot of people
(00:49:34):
who make it big,
(00:49:35):
a lot of people who do big things don't have children.
(00:49:37):
Yeah.
(00:49:39):
And it's just different.
(00:49:43):
There's so many more things that you have to think about.
(00:49:45):
There's so many more things that you have to factor in.
(00:49:48):
There's so many different choices that don't apply to people who don't have children at all.
(00:49:53):
And it's really hard to find.
(00:49:55):
You said you wanted to coach women.
(00:49:56):
that's one of the,
(00:49:57):
it is hard to find a mentor out there who has lived a life than I have kind of
(00:50:04):
lived and has built themselves up from the ground up with,
(00:50:10):
you know,
(00:50:11):
no money with children with a fuck ton of responsibilities,
(00:50:17):
like all of that shit.
(00:50:20):
Um, it's,
(00:50:23):
There's no one out there.
(00:50:25):
I have yet to find someone.
(00:50:26):
I even asked Kara and there was like nothing.
(00:50:29):
Like, it's so, I would kill for that.
(00:50:33):
Just saying.
(00:50:33):
And I'm sure there's plenty.
(00:50:37):
I appreciate that.
(00:50:38):
I feel like the authenticness that I have,
(00:50:40):
and because I'm so,
(00:50:41):
my biggest fear,
(00:50:42):
honestly,
(00:50:42):
like I'll get too emotionally attached because like I live and love my whole heart.
(00:50:46):
So I know that I just need to do some more work.
(00:50:50):
And I know that when the time comes, I'll know.
(00:50:53):
It's led me up to this point that this,
(00:50:55):
this is what I'm meant to do is to,
(00:50:57):
you know,
(00:50:57):
inspire and empower other women.
(00:50:58):
I will get there.
(00:50:59):
But right now,
(00:51:01):
I am, you know, woman enough to admit, like I still have work to do.
(00:51:03):
So when I want to give it 110% to my clients, right.
(00:51:08):
And I know like I could do it, but selfishly, like I wouldn't be giving them my best version of myself.
(00:51:13):
And there's, you know, always work to do.
(00:51:16):
Yeah.
(00:51:18):
A hundred percent.
(00:51:19):
And they completely relate to that,
(00:51:21):
but also want to give you like mad props because being able to recognize that is
(00:51:26):
really critical.
(00:51:27):
And knowing that like,
(00:51:31):
your clients will thank you later for it.
(00:51:32):
Like that you understand that and know that just shows your ability to reflect like
(00:51:40):
self reflect,
(00:51:41):
but also your intelligence.
(00:51:42):
And so when you're downing yourself,
(00:51:44):
you should remember this moment because there I'm telling you right now,
(00:51:49):
like,
(00:51:51):
you know,
(00:51:51):
I don't lie anymore.
(00:51:52):
I don't lie at all anymore.
(00:51:54):
I don't do it.
(00:51:55):
And so when I say that I would kill for someone like a mentor like that,
(00:51:59):
like there are,
(00:52:01):
I know a lot of girls,
(00:52:02):
a lot of women my age,
(00:52:03):
a lot of girls younger than me who,
(00:52:06):
fuck,
(00:52:06):
if I would have had someone like you when I was like 26,
(00:52:08):
I think my life would look very different.
(00:52:12):
I appreciate that.
(00:52:14):
You wouldn't have wanted me at 26, girl.
(00:52:15):
There was way more.
(00:52:16):
That was a decade ago.
(00:52:16):
There's so much work to be done to that, Amber, but I really appreciate that.
(00:52:20):
Well, me at 26 was only four years ago.
(00:52:23):
Oh, okay.
(00:52:24):
Okay.
(00:52:25):
I've been a mom since I was 18.
(00:52:27):
So literally half my life, I've been a mom and it was a tragic start.
(00:52:32):
So yeah, I know.
(00:52:33):
Isn't that crazy to say when I wrote that in my book, I'm like, oh my God, that's so weird.
(00:52:37):
But that's why I'm still like nurturing.
(00:52:38):
It's all I know is to like, take care, take care.
(00:52:41):
And like writing this book was the first time I was like putting Amber first.
(00:52:45):
And I'm like, I need to put me first.
(00:52:47):
I have to fill up my cup if I want to like,
(00:52:49):
you know,
(00:52:49):
the longest relationship that you'll ever have is with yourself.
(00:52:52):
Like people don't understand that.
(00:52:56):
And if you're constantly drowning yourself out with external things,
(00:53:00):
you can't have a relationship with yourself.
(00:53:02):
No, I agree.
(00:53:03):
Because everyone's like, you know, it's like your husband and your kids first.
(00:53:05):
Like, no, it's me first.
(00:53:06):
It's Amber first now.
(00:53:07):
Like, I have been putting myself on the back burner for so long.
(00:53:11):
Like,
(00:53:12):
I know I need to fill up my cup so I can be the mom and the wife and the friend and
(00:53:16):
the coach and the mentor.
(00:53:17):
Like, that I can be the best version of myself.
(00:53:20):
Yep.
(00:53:21):
Yeah.
(00:53:21):
And that is...
(00:53:24):
one of the reasons why i'm doing all of this because like my kids deserve the best
(00:53:30):
version of me like absolutely they were not they didn't have a choice in being
(00:53:39):
brought into this world so like i need to give them my all and i can't do that if i
(00:53:47):
have all of these issues so it's like my mom
(00:53:53):
really loved the saying buckle up buttercup but here i feel like it really applies
(00:53:59):
because at least for me like it's buckle up it's time to get fucking going let's do
(00:54:03):
some fucking work you know let's you can be kind and gentle while getting the
(00:54:07):
fucking work done no yeah there's always work to be done every day every day oh
(00:54:12):
yeah better every single day and it's not like again there's no perfection but like
(00:54:16):
you can you can be better
(00:54:18):
not saying i'm just saying this is in general like everyone can be better everyone
(00:54:21):
can do better literally everyone the world is living proof that everyone could do
(00:54:27):
better for sure definitely i agree all right heartedly well i think we are coming
(00:54:35):
to a close because my computer is going to die um which i do on purpose so we don't
(00:54:40):
spend
(00:54:41):
an exorbitant amount of time on these podcasts i know because i can totally talk i
(00:54:46):
wrote this in my journal like i know i'm gonna get on there i can be able to talk
(00:54:48):
to her all night long so i it's been a pleasure talking to you thank you so much
(00:54:53):
for having me it's been great getting to know you on another level i'm looking
(00:54:57):
forward to getting so you're not even a deeper level that makes me so happy and i
(00:55:03):
want i will make sure that everybody knows where to buy your book
(00:55:07):
where they can follow you how they can talk to you how they can you know connect
(00:55:11):
with you um and just i'll be sharing all of that and and finally
(00:55:19):
back to life.
(00:55:20):
So I will actually be sharing all the time, you know, restacking and that kind of stuff.
(00:55:25):
Yeah.
(00:55:25):
Yeah.
(00:55:25):
Take your time though.
(00:55:26):
Give yourself grace.
(00:55:27):
Take your time.
(00:55:29):
Thank you.
(00:55:29):
I appreciate that.
(00:55:30):
Of course.
(00:55:32):
All right.
(00:55:32):
Well, thank you so much, Amber, for joining us.
(00:55:35):
And that was such a lovely, lovely conversation.
(00:55:38):
And we will see you, talk to you next time on the Curiosity Chronicles.
(00:55:43):
Bye for now.
(00:55:44):
Bye.
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